hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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