U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
