Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
