How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
