dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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