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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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