my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
