do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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