I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
