dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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