i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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