he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
