The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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