And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
