Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
