I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
