Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
