I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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