my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
