oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
