She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Im part way to drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
