We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
