No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
