So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm too high and old for this...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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