break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
