is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
