then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
