Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize