I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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