Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
