At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
