I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
