I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
