And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
