and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
