Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
