His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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