so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
