Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You pole danced in your parka.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
