i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
