I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
