You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You ruined the universe
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
