dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
