Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
