just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
