My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
