i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
