I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
