I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
