Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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