mondays should just be called national damage control day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
