seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
