im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
