before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
