Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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