Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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