he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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