Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So squirting runs in the family.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
