Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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