I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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