just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
