He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
