dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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