Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
