he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
