so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
